I'm sorry that I didn't write to you on Sunday and I forgot to publish this last night. I feel like my days are moving by so fast. It doesn't feel like it should almost be the end of February. Everyday I wake up and suddenly the day is already over. And when I do have a plan for things, to spend some of the time in my days, something else comes up and I leave it to tomorrow.
But it is tomorrow, it's been tomorrow for 2 months, and I still haven't got anything done. I feel so stuck. So many aspects of my life are improving, I'm trying to improve, but everything that needs to be done right now keeps getting pushed further and further back.
I don't mean to avoid the important things, I want to do them, but starting feels like such an impossible feat. And even if I could start, somehow it feels like I still have time to waste when I know it's running out. The panic of deadlines closing in isn't enough to make me take action anymore.
I don't know what to do. I'm ashamed to tell others that I need help because it feels so stupid and I know most people wouldn't understand why I can't just do it. I thought maybe it'd help to start ADHD medication but I just can't afford that right now. I wonder what it's like for people who don't have to deal with this. How easy is it for them to just do things? What I would give to have that ability.
Eternally, yours truly,
Alexander